Quiet mornings. That’s all I ask for. Quiet in the morning, if you don’t want me to be grumpy all day. Sometimes I don’t eat toast for breakfast and just have water and milk because the crunch becomes unbearable. So today, after I had read for an hour, it was quite natural for me to stay in bed when I heard the tv on full volume.
At first, there was an Islamic lecture. Then came on these overly patriotic songs that were really not what I needed. I had to eventually wake up, of course. But the songs were put back on at night; really not my cup of tea.
You see, these songs are all very similar, some will move you to tears, others just make you all warm. But they don’t really mean anything. They are a passing feeling. You’ll see scores of people waving flags and singing along at national days. But those same people will also be the ones who litter, cross a red light, complain and do nothing, consume, and elect corrupt leaders who will make them poorer.
And it’s not even just them. In a sense, Pakistan was never really came into being. A piece of land does not make a nation. As Qudrat Allah Shahab says, Pakistan needed the people’s votes to come into being, but votes alone cannot run a country. Qudrat Allah Shahab was a member of the Indian Civil Service, and afterwards shifted to Pakistan Civil Service in 1947. But even then, although he had come to this country with high hopes and a passion for his people, it was not replicated in the other officials. Even after the creation of Pakistan, it became a status symbol for people to write “Former ICS” with their names. You see, small evidences like this indicate the “slave mindset” was never actually broken. And if it wasn’t broken, it must continue today. I could quote a million and one examples of this mindset, so when I hear songs of superficial patriotism, it doesn’t fool me. It annoys me. Because everyone can sing and memorize these songs, anyone can wave a flag, but few people can actually stand for what this piece of land stands for. Perhaps it is because I have heard accounts of horrifying stories of Partition first hand, or it is because my great-grandfather was also a member of the ICS (and then PCS), perhaps because I just don’t believe in fluid plans, I am not particularly amazed by these songs.
The Pakistani rupee has been devalued once again, the prime minister has made humongous promises that seem too good to be true, inflation everywhere, and the national debt increases further. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? We really cannot know.
As for a more personal update, I’m free till the end of October, which means I have to sit at home for another two weeks, and I am tired. I am in dire need of good company and this blog seems to be my social circle at the moment, as my actual social circle seems too busy for me. I have been reading (although not as much as I should have), I’m still an awful cook. I have two left feet and two left hands (if that makes sense to you), I have not written anything of substance. And the weather is changing (which is big news for us because weather is not just small talk for us, it is a huge part of every conversation between any two people here).
The highlight of my day is sitting with a mug of green tea at night outside where the air has a slight chill, and it is quite refreshing. If you’re still reading, I apologize, this “rant” was targeted at breaking my writer’s block completely. IF you’re still reading, please send out a little prayer for every soul in distress, for all the people affected by these natural disasters, for my country which I don’t seem to belong to, for my writing skills, for people in third world countries (like mine) who do not live, only survive, and for yourself. May we keep growing.