Dark Clouds

Dark clouds have turned day into dullness. A magnificent wind blows, entering this window and exiting that window. It is so dark I cannot read, yet I have not switched on any lights yet. The darkness corresponds to my mood. For days now, weeks, the weather had been the same: either oppressive heat with unbearable humidity, or continuous rainfall still with humidity. Why should I call a continuous rainfall “still”? It was so. Everything was still. Days rolled into weeks, weeks into months, and yet all was still. Utter monotony. I sat on the floor, amidst cotton amd nail polish. Looking out, seeing the hours while away, away to be lost in monotony. People ask: are you well? Yes, I am well. Well enough. I have everything I could need and more: monotony. An unchanging routine with no chance of excitement. No prospect for difference for another year or so. People are dying around the globe, death visits the neighbors and here I am. Perhaps the most ungrateful of them all? Perhaps just human? Books find me a way to escape: sometimes the past, sometimes in lands so far from my eye and yet, as soon as we come back, the sameness returns, the circumstances are still, our ways uninterrupted. We have done so much and yet nothing. Looking out I see a freshness in the green of the leaves but I know as I leave the house in accordance with my routine, I shall come back to find even that stale with dust. Sometimes the rain intensifies, sometimes it calms down, sometimes it even stops. I know I have a lot to do and not enough time, yet I know if these words are not penned down they too will be lost in the vast expanses of my thoughts. Just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. When I prioritise something above words, I am punished by their loss. Yet writing deprives me of words too. This is sometimes pleasant: no words to think of, a clear mind, a consciousness. However, sometimes it has the reverse effect: I am overburdened with words and they keep forming until I have no alternative except to put my mind at rest: sleep. But all this does not relieve me of the current monotony. Seeing the time, however, I realise that I have nothing new to offer to anyone. I am NOT depressed, or upset. These feelings have now turned into cliches and irritate me to an extent that is unbearable. Perhaps you wouldn’t understand, but try living your entire life with the female species of this society… particularly the Homo sapiens. Felis felidae would make a nicer alternative for this society but that has other problems and anyways, I have yet to write about that another day. Anyways, as I was saying, I am not upset or anything, I am just tired of the same sameness that engulfs my world, even though the Earth is in chaos.

Until next time, stay hydrated.

Rab Rakhan. 

(P.S. If you happen to be a female of the species mentioned, please do not be offended, I was referring to the females found in my society that I face. Just like when I do my post on the females of Felis felidae, I shall be referring to those of my society too. I should add that this post reflects my mood for this passage of time, and that almost none of my posts reflect my “permanent” moods or stances on anything, if such a thing exists. Also if there is someone genuinely depressed or upset, you have my sympathies. I was referring to all those people who have turned this into cliches. May Allah bless us all with His bounties. Remember me in your prayers.)

Hypocrasy

(The following is a rant. You can not read it if you want, okay? It’s only negative energy being expressed in a super exaggerated way.)

Sometimes when you meet a person for the first time, your very inspired by them. Look what a great personality! What charming manners! What a genuine smile!

But the truth is, there is no genuine smile. It is only an act. Because they are hypocrites.

I’m not saying everyone is a hypocrite. There are genuine people out there. But they are rare.

“Charity begins at home.” I wish people could understand this. I mean in Islam, even a smile is an act of charity… a genuine smile. But some people just preserve this charity for people who do not and can not know them. So the people who are in dire need of this charity, the people who are around them all the time, who live with them, are denied this.

Being nice to people who do not know you has no meaning if the people who live with you suffer.I know of people who are known for their ‘compassion’ and ‘sympathy’. I know for a fact that they do not care even a little bit for the very people who they “comfort”. The people who live with them cringe and burn but these hypocrites don’t care. Hurting someone’s feelings and being mean to them and then swearing you just don’t have the heart to be mean to ANYBODY on the ENTIRE world. Stop contradicting yourself! Not only are you confusing the person but your’e also hurting them even more. Then don’t complain if they don’t want to talk to you or appear to be annoyed or offended or whatever. Just give the person their space, let them heal the wounds before you hurt them again. Don’t give people the impression that you are someone who anybody can talk to if you simply don’t care. Don’t be a hypocrite. Because you can hide the ugliness and nastiness and the RBF from the world but you can’t hide it from your own blood. Be whatever with yourself but just give it a break, will ya? We get really sick and tired too, you know. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but just come down a notch! You are not above the rest of us and them. Stop complaining! Stop, stop, just STOP!

And i know i was going to write about hypocrisy and not about hypocrites but it just turned out that way, okay?