Dark Clouds

Dark clouds have turned day into dullness. A magnificent wind blows, entering this window and exiting that window. It is so dark I cannot read, yet I have not switched on any lights yet. The darkness corresponds to my mood. For days now, weeks, the weather had been the same: either oppressive heat with unbearable humidity, or continuous rainfall still with humidity. Why should I call a continuous rainfall “still”? It was so. Everything was still. Days rolled into weeks, weeks into months, and yet all was still. Utter monotony. I sat on the floor, amidst cotton amd nail polish. Looking out, seeing the hours while away, away to be lost in monotony. People ask: are you well? Yes, I am well. Well enough. I have everything I could need and more: monotony. An unchanging routine with no chance of excitement. No prospect for difference for another year or so. People are dying around the globe, death visits the neighbors and here I am. Perhaps the most ungrateful of them all? Perhaps just human? Books find me a way to escape: sometimes the past, sometimes in lands so far from my eye and yet, as soon as we come back, the sameness returns, the circumstances are still, our ways uninterrupted. We have done so much and yet nothing. Looking out I see a freshness in the green of the leaves but I know as I leave the house in accordance with my routine, I shall come back to find even that stale with dust. Sometimes the rain intensifies, sometimes it calms down, sometimes it even stops. I know I have a lot to do and not enough time, yet I know if these words are not penned down they too will be lost in the vast expanses of my thoughts. Just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. When I prioritise something above words, I am punished by their loss. Yet writing deprives me of words too. This is sometimes pleasant: no words to think of, a clear mind, a consciousness. However, sometimes it has the reverse effect: I am overburdened with words and they keep forming until I have no alternative except to put my mind at rest: sleep. But all this does not relieve me of the current monotony. Seeing the time, however, I realise that I have nothing new to offer to anyone. I am NOT depressed, or upset. These feelings have now turned into cliches and irritate me to an extent that is unbearable. Perhaps you wouldn’t understand, but try living your entire life with the female species of this society… particularly the Homo sapiens. Felis felidae would make a nicer alternative for this society but that has other problems and anyways, I have yet to write about that another day. Anyways, as I was saying, I am not upset or anything, I am just tired of the same sameness that engulfs my world, even though the Earth is in chaos.

Until next time, stay hydrated.

Rab Rakhan. 

(P.S. If you happen to be a female of the species mentioned, please do not be offended, I was referring to the females found in my society that I face. Just like when I do my post on the females of Felis felidae, I shall be referring to those of my society too. I should add that this post reflects my mood for this passage of time, and that almost none of my posts reflect my “permanent” moods or stances on anything, if such a thing exists. Also if there is someone genuinely depressed or upset, you have my sympathies. I was referring to all those people who have turned this into cliches. May Allah bless us all with His bounties. Remember me in your prayers.)

Random Stuff I Write During Class

The ring played in her fingertips. The thumb rolled it over to the middle finger, which passed it to the index finger. The ring was constantly being rolled over, sometimes this way, sometimes that way, nimble fingers playing…

And then, all of a sudden, it slipped from the index finger. It fell, fell, fell into a dark abyss between all five fingers, and landed quite abruptly in the palm. As if in shock, all five fingers froze, unsure as to what was to be done now. The pause was only for a moment, though. But it still felt like an eternity before the thumb reached down and, slowly, took hold of one edge inside the ring. It half-dragged, half-rolled it upwards. As the ring ascended, the index finger, quite nervous now, reached down too and took hold of the other edge. With a united effort, the ring was once again held up to be crowned on the tips of the fingers.

The girl sat beside her, and the motions of the fingers and the ring had her mesmerized. She looked, and she saw. The fall of the ring, the rise of the ring, the way it moved with the gentle movements of those fingers. She almost gave a cry of despair as the ring fell, and joy filled her eyes like tears as the ring rose.

The girl to whom the hand belonged, however, saw the ring unseeingly. Her mind was away, far away, thinking thoughts that were better unthought, the epicenter of which was that ring. Her lower lip trembled, but the eyes stared defiantly at the ring. The ring, however, had drowned in its new-found self-importance, and was oblivious to the world.

The bell rang, all was lost. All was lost.

Days

There is no concept of dates in this place, just days. Endless days.

Malignant Monday spreads like a cancer through Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sanity Day.

A continuous whirlwind of days and days – wrapping around you, engulfing you, and then, finally, strangling you. Suffocating you.

“Dates” are unique. Dates are specific but days….. the sameness and monotony overcome all senses of reason and logic. So you find yourself swimming in a vast water space, with no sign of shore.

 


Or ranting about ‘days’. What is wrong with me?!