I am not sad. It is weird, not being sad. I have spent so much time and energy into being sad — an awful feeling. I’m not sure how I got over being sad. A friend of mine messaged me a couple of days ago and as the conversation continued, they said: Let me guess. You’re sad, right? They didn’t believe me when I said no.
It is weird, this feeling. Good, but weird. I am so full of life and so full of admiration for anything and everything around me. I am in awe of the universe and the sheer magic that holds everything together. I cannot fathom how everything is so put together and just so connected. This post is not something I like to put on my blog usually, because maybe I’d get bored if I had to read this on someone else’s blog. But this is my blog, I guess this belongs right here.
I haven’t kept my promise of writing regularly and I am a little disappointed in myself because I thought I’d be able to do it but I didn’t! Oh well. I can still try. I have written some things in urdu, and I really really like them too. I guess I might put them up here although I only have one person here who can read urdu (are you still here tho?).
Tonight is a nice night and perhaps I should sleep but the only real worry I have is that I haven’t written anything creative in a while. Except those urdu pieces. So. I hope I still can. That is like my only talent if I don’t write stories then I am the world’s most uninteresting person ever. I mean, I have a social life but not very happening. I am very ignorant and truly boring. I’ve read TWO books from the 1st of July till today. That is TWENTY days. I waste a lot of time and I have to hold myself accountable for that because wasting yourself is all fun and games until you realize you have to live with yourself. I am currently trying to read two more books and pretending to read a despicable third one as well. I have a month and ten days to actually do something productive that will help prolong this sense of contentment.
The powder that I put on today has a subtle smell that reminds me of very happy days in the past, and that is a nice feeling too. Today at five in the morning, it smelled like the first day of school: exciting but utterly terrifying. I’m not sure why, but it did. I love summer mornings and nights. Everything is so alive! I can babble for hours on my blog because this is me speaking to my mind, but I really should stop. I just hope I find something to do with my time and my life that helps me before it is too late. And by too late, I mean this magical feeling wanes away and leaves me exhausted with life. Humans are a truly magical phenomena and I see that in everyone, especially me. And I really have to stop using the word magical.
If you know a website where I can download pdfs of books for free, please do tell me. I’d be so grateful. And please keep me in your prayers. And please smile and stop and look around you. Smell the air at 5 in the morning. Whatever you’re going through, you have strength in you to overcome it. Pretend you’re in a movie. Everything will turn out great in the end, but for now, the plot must thicken.
I’m sorry for the errors in this post, my hands are so clumsy it worries me. I also have a hard time keeping my balance. I’m not sure why this happens, but it does. Maybe I should look for exercises to help. Anyways.