Hey there!

Hey there, lonely soul. Hello. Welcome to my mind. Well, maybe your not so lonely. Maybe you’re curious. Or you want to read something. Or you’re just bored. Maybe you’re here for the first time. Maybe you’re trying to judge me. Maybe you want to know me. Maybe you’re just trying to get through unread posts on your reader. 

Well, so here we are. In my mind. I’ll give you a tour, eh? I won’t take you everywhere. Just where it’s safe. And I don’t have to worry about you prying around, either. So go ahead. Picture my mind any way you want. Let’s go down this lane. 

I know, it’s dark. I don’t like a light in this part. And yes, it’s cluttered too. I don’t do much cleaning. Oh, you see that chute? Yeah. Sometimes the useless things get pushed down that thing and then they disappear. I don’t know where, though. Anyways, this is (as you’ve probably guessed) my memory. What? Oh, no no no, this isn’t all of it. This is just the Random Nice Ones room. See that baby there? She’s about seven or eight months old. She can only sit. You know what happened? I put her on a chair in the kitchen, and then rushed out for literally a milli second, but she had already squished the poor naked orange all over the chair and the floor. Oh yes that’s my mother and my chachi. They’re laughing, you see. Well, have a good look around. You’ll see her in all sorts of outfits and ages and cuteness. And her little sister too. Oh, see this brand new picture? Yeah. I haven’t met her physically for more than half a year now. But I saw this picture. Her most recent stage. She’s five now. 

Oh and this one? This was when she was about three months old. There was a big family gathering. Everyone was outside under the old majestic ber tree. I had to take her inside. I’m tired because I’ve been walking and trying to put her to sleep. She keeps waking up!

This isn’t her. It’s her little sister. I’m half sitting on the sofa and she’s sleeping on top of me. She was about four or five months. 

This is when she was born. I took that picture. Opening and closing her eyes as if already fed up of the world. And wow I had had so much gulabjaman that day! Nobody bothered to stop me, we were all so happy! And gulabjaman going all around. From my favourite shop too! 

Oh that? That’s the last day of my school. The short-haired girl with her back to you and a black bag in her hand is my best friend. 

This used to be our stray cat. But she ran away. Maybe she died, because she was so possessive about her place and never let any other cat here. She was the prettiest cat in the neighbourhood. She’d been living here ever since she was a kitten. And….

Anyways, this was another cat who used to live here but was scared away by the first one. Charlie. I taught him to play with a ball. He was mine, really. But then…. now he doesn’t recognise me. 

Let’s get out of here. The deeper you go, the more memories will come, the longer this post will be. Aah, this is the Negative Emotions Sector. Let’s just pass by quickly. It’s not that safe. Oh, those daggers? You thought “giving daggers” was just a phrase, did you? And that red and yellow paint? That’s just more of what people think is phrases but actually they’re not. Anyways, erm, ah! Let’s go into Random Thoughts Sector. Let’s climb up a tree. I wonder if we’re going to pass by another canal soon? Do I have a double chin? Is– I’m sorry. There’s a reason I don’t come here with visitors. (Is anyone still reading?) 

The Annoying Annoyances Sector. This is where you’ll probably find Justin Beiber, too. Moving on. 

Conflict lane? No. This way.

Oh the Nerdy Side. Yes I have been frequenting this establishment for some time now which is why it’s very organised. Let’s go before you start judging me😂.

Is it weird that right next to Nerdy Room is the Judgemental Sector? Well. It is. And it’s the closest room to the eyes. Take a peek through my eyes people…. why is everything green? Because I was staring at a field. And the Monsoon… so everything’s pretty fresh. I mean keep your eyes on the ground. No need to see the pollution in the air. So let’s get back to the Judgemental Sector. Well…. not much to see. I mean I am judging you all the time. There’s more to hear. Cover your ears. This way, please. 

Oh. I forgot this was where….. This is Grieving. Where I grieve. I guess Management knew you were coming. So it looks like this. I mean candles? And black sheets? Really, I need to have a word! This isn’t bollywood!! Until then, let’s turn here. Watch your step, please.

This is Impossible Conversations room. Where I have all the conversations which will never happen. What’s this now? Oh it’s a letter. From Management, to me? They could’ve just told me *opens letter* I mean what is it that they had too…. *continues reading* that they had to…. oh. *puts letter in the coat* you see how it’s so cold? It’s actually a blessing. Things can get quite heated here. But we like to keep it really cold here because often it’s quite hot outside. Well folks, the thing is, I would’ve loved to take you around more. But time’s running out and Management says the rest is “restricted”. What does that mean? Oh, look we’re in the Limited Vocabulary Sector! Erm, anyways, I don’t know how to, uh,….. keep walking here, uh, stop! 

Rab Rakhan.

*closes door awkwardly and vanishes from view*

Dark Clouds

Dark clouds have turned day into dullness. A magnificent wind blows, entering this window and exiting that window. It is so dark I cannot read, yet I have not switched on any lights yet. The darkness corresponds to my mood. For days now, weeks, the weather had been the same: either oppressive heat with unbearable humidity, or continuous rainfall still with humidity. Why should I call a continuous rainfall “still”? It was so. Everything was still. Days rolled into weeks, weeks into months, and yet all was still. Utter monotony. I sat on the floor, amidst cotton amd nail polish. Looking out, seeing the hours while away, away to be lost in monotony. People ask: are you well? Yes, I am well. Well enough. I have everything I could need and more: monotony. An unchanging routine with no chance of excitement. No prospect for difference for another year or so. People are dying around the globe, death visits the neighbors and here I am. Perhaps the most ungrateful of them all? Perhaps just human? Books find me a way to escape: sometimes the past, sometimes in lands so far from my eye and yet, as soon as we come back, the sameness returns, the circumstances are still, our ways uninterrupted. We have done so much and yet nothing. Looking out I see a freshness in the green of the leaves but I know as I leave the house in accordance with my routine, I shall come back to find even that stale with dust. Sometimes the rain intensifies, sometimes it calms down, sometimes it even stops. I know I have a lot to do and not enough time, yet I know if these words are not penned down they too will be lost in the vast expanses of my thoughts. Just like yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. When I prioritise something above words, I am punished by their loss. Yet writing deprives me of words too. This is sometimes pleasant: no words to think of, a clear mind, a consciousness. However, sometimes it has the reverse effect: I am overburdened with words and they keep forming until I have no alternative except to put my mind at rest: sleep. But all this does not relieve me of the current monotony. Seeing the time, however, I realise that I have nothing new to offer to anyone. I am NOT depressed, or upset. These feelings have now turned into cliches and irritate me to an extent that is unbearable. Perhaps you wouldn’t understand, but try living your entire life with the female species of this society… particularly the Homo sapiens. Felis felidae would make a nicer alternative for this society but that has other problems and anyways, I have yet to write about that another day. Anyways, as I was saying, I am not upset or anything, I am just tired of the same sameness that engulfs my world, even though the Earth is in chaos.

Until next time, stay hydrated.

Rab Rakhan. 

(P.S. If you happen to be a female of the species mentioned, please do not be offended, I was referring to the females found in my society that I face. Just like when I do my post on the females of Felis felidae, I shall be referring to those of my society too. I should add that this post reflects my mood for this passage of time, and that almost none of my posts reflect my “permanent” moods or stances on anything, if such a thing exists. Also if there is someone genuinely depressed or upset, you have my sympathies. I was referring to all those people who have turned this into cliches. May Allah bless us all with His bounties. Remember me in your prayers.)