Warmth

The water was cold. The one time she had counted on the warmth of the water to engulf her whole, to somehow soothe her, it was cold.

It wasn’t fair. Hadn’t the sun been shining on the water tank all day? Had the sun lost all its heat? Could it be possible that the sun felt as cold and numb as herself? 

No. At any rate the sun was supposed to heat the water. That was its job. The water was supposed to be boiling hot. She was supposed to complain about that. Was it normal to feel as if her entire blood had clotted in this heat?

She waited a few seconds before she bravely endeavoured into the cold shower. She hoped that somehow it would get warmer. Surely it must, it couldn’t be this cold. It just couldn’t.

She could feel herslf shivering but at the same time felt nothing at all. Numb. Then she remembered she was probably tired. She had been up for so long… And she hadn’t had anything to eat, either. She was probably low on energy.

Trying to be as brave as she could, struggled to keep her hands steady as she reached for the shampoo. The lump in her throat kept getting bigger and bigger until she decided it would be better to cry here, alone, than outside. But that feeling of numbness wouldn’t let her. She could feel the storm building up inside her… waiting for the wrong moment to come out. Well, she thought, i’ll just have to artificially initiate it. But as she did so, the muscles on her face seemed to be stretched too much somehow. It felt too artificial. She couldn’t do it. It was too much. She needed warmth.